What Hurts the Most
by Silver-Magick131
Summary: What could possibly hurt more than loosing someone you love? Perhaps the regret that that person will never know just how much you loved them! HHr


**DISCLAIMER : I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!**

**Hello everybody!**

**Well here is another one of my one-shots. **

**Well, lately every since the release of their new CD, I have been really into Rascal Flatts once again. So I decided to get this idea out of my head. It has been plaguing me for the longest time, so here it is… hope you all enjoy!**

"**What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts!**

**XXX**

What Hurts the Most

xxx

"Where-Where are you going?" cried Hermione as she watched her best friend of 8 years prepare to leave. "Harry? Answer me!"

She watched as he adjusted the dragon-leather gloves on his hands before twirling his cloak around his shoulders. All the while, he said nothing to her as he continued, his back turned to her as he busied himself in getting dressed. He knew Hermione would be upset, but wasn't entirely sure he could handle _seeing_ her so upset.

"Ron? Ron, do you know where he is going?" she asked as she turned onto her other best friend beside her. Ron looked just as taken back at Harry's sudden actions as Hermione was. He only shook his head as Harry finished with himself. Hermione was starting to get hysterical now, and Harry knew if he didn't leave soon, he might never leave.

With that last thought, and a few seconds hesitation, Harry grabbed his wand and slid it into its holster upon his belt and turned to his two best friends. The both looked shaken up and frightened, and Harry felt a rising guilt as he took in their horrified faces. _This is for the best. This is what has to be done._

The war was already heavily under way, and the Aurors of the Light were dropping like flies. He could hear all of the ruckus outside the tent as Aurors ran about, in the midst of war as wounded men poured in from the battle site. He could hear their screams of pain and knew it was up to him to stop it all.

He then turned to Hermione, her eyes glistening with tears and her face wet with them. Her hair was pulled messily into a braid, which only added to her charm. A war zone was no place for a woman like her.

They were far away from London, or any civilized area to be truthful, and were currently caught in the middle of the most horrid battles known to man. Harry knew it was up to him to get his two best friends out, no matter what the price.

With that last thought he turned to Ron.

"Listen Ron, I need you to promise me that you'll get yourself and Hermione out of her right away. Do you understand?" At first, Ron looked confused and wanted to argue with him, but once he saw the intensity of emotion within his best mate's eyes, he nodded right away, replying with a meek "of course."

Harry nodded and smiled in thanks. He then placed a hand atop Ron's shoulder before the two met in a brotherly hug. Ron knew exactly what Harry was now up to, and feared for him greatly.

When the two pulled away, Harry then turned to Hermione. He smiled sadly and opened his arms to her. Hermione just stood there, confused and pained, as she shook her head slightly, unwilling to accept the situation.

"No," she whispered softly. "You… you're leaving?" she asked through her tears. Harry held back his emotions as he stepped closer to her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Hermione tried pulling away, wanting to see his face and get a definite answer, but finally gave in as she cried against him.

"Please don't cry, Mione." Harry pegged her sadly. "You know I hate it when u cry!" Hermione only continued to cry, unable to keep back the tears as Harry rubbed at her back, whispering soothing words into her ear.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Hermione's cries died down as Harry continued to rub her back soothingly, rocking her gently. "You can't leave," she whispered softly. "Please Harry, you… you could be killed!"

Harry closed his eyes as he sighed.

"I have to, Hermione." Harry told her sadly. "This is my duty, if not me than who? Voldemort cannot be allowed to go on like this. He must be stopped." Hermione remained still for a moment before nodding against his chest. She hugged him back tightly before pulling away, tears still in her eyes.

She made contact with him for a moment, before dropping her eyes to the fur-covered flooring of the tent, afraid that if she were to look him in the eye she might break down once again.

Harry, too, looked away and said his goodbye to Ron. He turned back to Hermione, wanting to say more, but found himself unable. Finally hi muttered softly to her:

"Goodbye, Mione." With that said, Harry inhaled deeply and stepped out of the tent as he swiftly walked towards his destination.

At his words, Hermione's eyes shot up and tears fell once more as she turned to watch him leave. '_He's leaving._' Hermione thought to herself. '_No, he can't leave… he doesn't know!_'

Suddenly, before she knew it, she had run out, calling his name as she ran to him.

"Harry! Harry wait!" she called. She sighed as she watched him stop and turn around. Once she had made it to him, she stopped to catch her breath, as she placed her hand atop her heart.

"Hermione?" he asked concerned. Hermione looked up at him for a few minutes, just studying his face, as she tried to find the right words. "Hermione, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she breathed. "I… I just wanted to tell you that…" then she paused. She couldn't do it. He stared down at her intently, as if fighting back words himself, but said nothing as Hermione tried to brace herself. "I just wanted to say…umm… " she then swallowed, looking down for a moment before back up to him. "… good luck."

Internally she wanted to kick herself. How could she be so cowardly?

She looked up at Harry, not noticing the disappointment in his eyes, and tried to smile. Harry swallowed, and then nodded, a soft empty smile pulling at his lips.

"Thanks Mione." Then with that, Harry turned away, his cloak billowing after him as he disappeared between the tents.

Hermione stood there, tears of regret and anger in her eyes as she lost sight of him.

"I love you…"

xxx

Rain now flooded the streets of London as a harsh storm blew from over the seas. The large city was misted over by the thick sheets of rain as bullet-sized drops fell from the heavy clouds that assembled high above her. The city, it seemed, was dead.

Hermione certainly believed so, as she stared out through blurry windows. Ever since that fateful day, her view on life and the world around her seemed to fade into the misty land of dreams, as this bleak grey vision of rainy London began to take root. She hardly tried to squint her eyes to see past the sheets of rain water pouring down the glass, for her mind was not upon the rain at all. It was on _him_.

It was always on _him_. Harry.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,  
That don't bother me._

Tears obscured her vision as well, as they filled her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. She would have wiped them away, but her hand was busy clutching the now-crumpled old piece of parchment with the Order of Phoenix official seal upon it.

The war was over, but for a price. A terrible price.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

It had cost him his life.

_  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me._

There wasn't a night that passed by that she didn't cry for him, and there wasn't a day that began without her clutching at the letter for dear life, hoping and praying that what it said wasn't true.

Although there were days when she tried to convince herself she would be fine. Days when she would lie, and pretend she was ok.

_  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

But that pain of loosing him, that emptiness, was _nothing_ compared to the regret. Her anger and her pain, they almost killed her, but what hurt the most…

_  
What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away_

She had just stood there. He was so close, he was right there, and she wanted to tell him. She tried her hardest to tell him, but in the end, she allowed her fear of rejection to get to her, and watched as he walked away from her… leaving her…

_  
And never knowing  
What could have been_

The love they could have shared… could it have been the factor that stood between life and death? They would never know. She would never know of the life, and the children, that may have come from such a thing…

But the worst part of it all…

_  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do._

Now she was alone.

__

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It

Everywhere, he was everywhere. In every smile, in every song, in every sunset, in every day. He was everywhere to her.

Some days she wasn't so sure she could handle it, while others she would do her best to smile as young beginning Aurors and Ministry Interns would speak excitedly of his valiant actions and his amazing strength. But through it all, she managed to get through another day, one day at a time.

It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

_  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

Ron was the hardest person to be around, but was also the only one she felt comfortable with.

The worst form of torture was Mrs. Weasley's family, or Order of the Phoenix, get-togethers. Harry had not missed a single get-together in Merlin knows how long, and to attend one of her parties, and not feel an emptiness was impossible. Nine out of ten times, Harry would come up, and hour long conversations would take hold.

But again, through it all, she still fashioned that familiar hollow smile to please Mrs. Weasley. Nothing would ever be the same without Harry.

_  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret_

There were mornings where she would rather lay in bed, with her blanket pulled over her head and the sun blocked out of her room, than face another day without him; with out the knowledge that he died knowing she loved him.

_  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

That truly was the hardest thing… that he would never know…

__

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

Rain still beat heavily upon her small London home. Lightning cracked and filled the street with momentary light before going out, leaving behind a dark and desolate street.

She turned her eyes away from the pouring rain, and looked down at the yellow parchment paper clutched in her hand. She allowed her eyes to read over the first sentence before tearing her eyes away and clutching at the letter tighter, almost as if hoping it would disappear, taking with it all the bad news that it stated.

But no matter how many times she tired to clear her mind, those words still echoed eerily within her.

_Dear Miss Granger,_

_I say this with much pain and regret that on the 31st of July, our cherished and beloved Harry Potter passed away due to valiant and honorable circumstances. We will forever honor Harry Potter as…_

Hermione couldn't seem to get the words out of her head. '…_with much pain and regret…_' Tears never poured harder from her chocolate brown eyes as she turned her eyes back up to her window.

That had been one week ago.

He never left her thoughts, constantly visited her in her dreams, and always showed his face. She saw him everywhere.

Hermione then let out a quiet sob as she pressed a hand to her window, leaning her forehead against the cool pane.

"Why?" she whispered into the black night. Her sitting room was empty and lonely and she truly felt alone. "Why did you have to go?"

She knew it was his duty, and she knew it was for the best, but it was unbelievably painful. She only wished he could be there now. She needed him so bad.

She closed her eyes as she fisted her hand, tears squeezing past her lids, before she pounded the window with her fist softly.

"Why?" she repeated. "Why…"

Sobs now wracked her body and she felt her knees buckle as she slid to the floor.

"… I love you."

_  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away_

As she sat there upon her floor, crying quietly to herself as she clutched the letter to her chest, her head suddenly shot up as footsteps were heard coming up her front steps.

Hermione had only enough time to wipe the tears from her cheeks and reach for her wand, before a loud knock was heard.

Due to all of her training as an Auror, Hermione's reflexes were amazing, and when she finally made it to her door, she clutched her wand tightly in her hand as she cautiously reached for the knob.

"Yes? Who is it?" she called out. At first nothing was heard, but suddenly a deep voice was heard, but due the pounding rain and howling wind, she heard nothing of what he had said.

Finally, after a few minutes, the figure behind the door knocked for a second time, and Hermione decided to open up.

As she pulled the door open, she froze for a moment, for a tall shadowy figure stood looming before her. She gulped as she tried her best to make out who he was, but he was silhouetted against the weak streetlight in the center of her front lawn. His face was shadowed and his clothes drenched.

Hermione squinted for a moment, studying his features, trying to see his face. Finally, Hermione raised her wand and muttered "lumos". Immediately a small ball of light appeared at the tip of her wand. She raised it to the figures face, and once she had gotten a partial look at his face, she gasped loudly, her wand dropping noisily to the floor.

Hermione's hand shot to her mouth, her mind not believing her eyes as she took in the figure before her.

'_It can't be!_' she thought.

"H-Harry?"

_  
And never knowing  
What could have been_

"… Hi Mione," said the voice slowly as he stepped into the small house. Hermione stepped back reflexively, but her eyes never left his face as he stepped into a soft light that shone through her windows.

Hermione noted that his face looked paler, and that a dark shadow of stubble grew upon his face. He looked more mature to her now, and wiser.

Hermione couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes as she stared back at him for a moment. Suddenly, she released a sob as she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she pressed her entire body to him.

Harry clutched at her just as tight, and he buried his face into the crook of her neck as he held her. His body shook under her as he held her, and Hermione wasn't exactly sure if it was from stress, the cold, or sheer emotion.

Finally he set her upon her feet, and pulled away slightly so he could look into her face. At seeing her tears, Harry frowned, as he raised his hands to her face.

"Please don't cry, Mione," he said softly, a small smile pulling at his lips. "You know I hate it when you cry." As he said this, he gently cupped her face, his thumb wiping away the saline tears that spilled from her eyes.

Hermione smiled a bit and let out a weak laugh, before looking back up at him. Her eyes searched his as he stared back just as intently. His hand gently slid down to her neck, and Hermione suddenly felt locked into his gaze.

Emotions within her began to over boil, and she felt almost certain she wouldn't be able to keep them at bay any longer.

Then suddenly, Hermione couldn't handle it anymore, and just as quickly as her tears had come, Hermione found herself cupping Harry's cheeks before pressing her lips hungrily to his.

She didn't wait for him to react as she worked her mouth against his lips. She needed this so badly, and she yearned for this more. His lips were so soft, and the short stubble along his jaw and chin only added to the sensual feel. Her heart pounded rapidly within her, and her stomach flipped as she pressed her body to his.

Then she began to sense him, and could feel him tense underneath and against her, and suddenly feared she may have ruined everything, when all of a sudden she gasped in surprise as Harry began to kiss her back.

At first the kiss was soft and gentle, chaste, before swiftly escalating. The kiss grew heated and passionate as Harry pressed her body as flush to his as he could.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Harry gently pulled away from her. Hermione's eyes were still closed as she tried her best to regain her breath. Then she allowed her eyes to flutter open, and took in the sight of a smiling Harry. Her stomach flipped once more as she hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go.

"Oh Harry, I-" she started, but Harry then cut her off.

_  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

"I love you, Hermione." Hermione froze for a moment, before a large smile graced her features.

"And I love you," she told him softly. Harry returned her smile, but just as he was about to say something else, Hermione yanked his collar down, meeting him in the middle for one last kiss.

__

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

**XXX**

**So what do you think? The end turned out a bit different from what I had imagined.. but please tell me what u think!**

**Can't wait to hear all of your comments! Talk to you all next update! Ciao!**

**Until next time…**

**SM131**


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